I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
