I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
