conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
