i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Randomize
