I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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