Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
