i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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