I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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