This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
