Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
