Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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