You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
