I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
