You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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