i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
