Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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