Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
