it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
