i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
