Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
