I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I need to stop coming to work sober
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
