I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
