my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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