i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
