Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
