I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
