i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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