My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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