its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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