How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
