hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
