so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
