I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
