Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
