I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
