Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
