I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
