He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
pop tarts are not kleenex
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
