I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
