I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
