Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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