so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
