my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
