I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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