I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
