He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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