YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
