The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
