She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
