If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
