Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
